Our church follows the ACNA Lectionary on Sunday mornings. This past Sunday the New Testament reading discussed Husband and Wife relationships. Especially the need for husbands to love their wives like Christ loved the Church and also for wives to respect their husbands. After the reading I indicated that if these two things were done a lot of problems would go away. It would also be easier for each party to do such if the other spouse was doing their part.
There is also a follow up that regards communication. As a counselor I have found communication to be the most pressing problem in most relationships. There are many times when there seems to be two different languages being communicated in a household, and therefore misunderstandings naturally arise.
Most of the misunderstanding comes from not listening intently and instead looking for an opportunity the tell the other your position or point of view.
So let me give you 4 steps to better communication with your spouse...
1-SPEND MORE TIME TALKING
Research has shown that many couples only spend an average of four minutes a day in meaningful conversation. In doing so make sure to listen for the purpose of understanding while you talk.
2-DON'T ALLOW ANYTHING TO INTERFERE WITH YOUR COMMUNICATION
If you are overloaded with commitments, examine them and determine where your priorities should be, Remember that one day you will be finished with work for good, but a spouse is forever.
3-BE CAREFUL WITH NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION
Couples are constantly sending messages even when no words are said. Therefore you must control your NEGATIVE communication. For example a man comes home from work and says nothing. He is trying to give space and respect, but the wife sees him as cold and elusive.
4-END POOR COMMUNICATION STRATEGIES
I will relate 4 poor communication strategies for you to consider taming. They are Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt, and Stonewalling.
Criticism: Criticism is sometimes packaged as a question that implies the other person has a character flaw.
Defensiveness: When we receive criticism, it is easy to retaliate with counter-criticism.
Contempt: When criticism and defensiveness are turned up several notches, they can lead to derogatory remarks, put-downs, and extreme disrespect.
Stonewalling: When the intensity gets too strong, a person can shut down and decide he or she will no longer participate in the conversation.
I pray these 4 steps will bless you and your relationship and help you to make communication better in you home.
Leave a comment and let me know about your thoughts and if you have any tips that work for you.
Blessings,
Fr. John Mozingo